Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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