Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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