dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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