dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
