Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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