I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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