We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My bed smells like the plague
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