Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize