Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
