would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Floor bacon is actually really good
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
