So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
