Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
