You're my little dorito
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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