I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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