Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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