Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
babies were throwing up all over the place
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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