he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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