i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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