this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
