My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
