What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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