no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
