I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
