i think my mom watched the whole time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
