it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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