the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
