my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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