i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
