just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
