I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
