I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
