Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
