When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
