I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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