wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
