is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
