you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
