piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
