I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
