so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
