Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
