I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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