I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
