Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
