just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
