I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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