Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize