Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
