Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize