apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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