I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
