so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
