i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize