Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
