in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
