Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
