So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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