i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Randomize
