I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize