Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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