Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
