do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
