I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
