i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
