Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize