There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
