Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
