i barfeds in our rink
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
