Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
