Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
