the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
