There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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