I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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