you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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